A regular day for me. This and all the horrors of existing are why I am always tired.
This past weekend me and a couple of friends we went away to the beach and it was a lovely trip and the Airbnb had an amazing view and everything was wonderful we did end up going to a place that I went to during carnival that stirred up a lot of unwanted feelings but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be but still worse than I would have wanted it to be and overall it was a great trip and something very special happened one of my friends the friend whose birthday we were celebrating he turned to me and on Friday night we were all like f****** plastered not that drunk but we were pretty drunk and this is a man of few words but he when he does say something he means it you know like he doesn't just say things for the sake of saying them and at some point he turned to me and he says I was it was okay hang on there were four people two guys two girls me and the other girl we were like we're tired we're going to go back to the Airbnb and sleep and then my other two dude friends who are both great quality dudes and I don't say that lightly they're like oh we're going to stay behind a little bit we're maybe going to watch the sunrise on the beach and yada yada and I was like cool you're like close friends and everything and at one point the birthday boy turns to me he says you know I love you right but I 100% understand that that is not romantic love like it is friendship love almost like brother to sister love which means a lot to me coming from him specifically because he is a very good person and the type of person that doesn't really like a lot of people so to hear him say that to me meant a lot. And I often feel very paranoid that he specifically doesn't like me even though he's a really good friend and we do stuff a lot together and stuff but sometimes I get I don't know I'm just insecure I guess but we are very opposite ends of this spectrum on the energy scale he's got a very calm solid almost grandpa like energy and I am very much the opposite end of the spectrum it's kind of like the movie up where there's the grumpy old man and then there's a little kid full of energy that just wants to help and do things kind of Ron and Leslie he's not as crotchety as Ron tho so maybe it does work because we're so different I don't know I just felt that I needed that reassurance because lately I've just been feeling very unlovable and as much as that was a wonderful thing to hear as much as that was a wonderful declaration to receive from a friend a friend that I truly dearly I love him too you know like he's a really good person I just can't help but think you know what I'm a lovable friend but nobody f****** likes me you know like I sometimes feel like it is my cross to bear and life to be an extremely likeable person and lovable person platonically but never will I find someone who returns my feelings romantically because the people that have liked me very few and please don't get it twisted I'm not saying this like I've had a long line of suitors but like yeah I wrote it down to my therapy notebook just now because I'm very lovable but I'm not f****** likeable you know people just don't seem to see me as a viable option as a romantic partner and that is really starting to seriously and dangerously chip away at what miniscule amount of self esteem that I have which is very small if you didn't understand I'm just I guess tired I'm so tired of feeling rejected and all that
The thing they don't tell you about eating a predominantly vegetable plate of food is that you will be STARVING three hours later as if you haven't eaten anything at all since breakfast. I might die, send snacks.
you ever listen to a song 47 times in a row and every time you’re like wow what a good song. I’m gonna play it again.
Hi there everyone hello. Is anyone still up? Who wants to complain about their problems with me? 😏
- Like a screen door in a hurricane
- Spit roast
- Any filthy thing you could possibly think of
- Still would and I wouldn't think twice
All hail taco cat
(via)
I'm so tired of myself. I can't stand to be around myself or BE myself anymore. I'm so UNBELIEVABLY tired and disgusted with myself. I'm so tired of being rejected. I'm so tired of being overlooked. I'm just so goddamn, motherfucking TIRED of everything.
Really enjoying how my speech to text thing interpreted my pronunciation of the weekend as in Saturday and Sunday as the weekend without the e as in I'm blinded by the lights
The past two weeks have not been easy for me they have been very difficult in fact the difficultest weeks I have ever had in a very long time and I forgot on last week to purchase my birth control pills so I did not have any for The Weeknd and I didn't leave the house this weekend or actually I left on Saturday morning but I also forgot to purchase them on Saturday morning and pharmacies in this lovely small town close at noon because people just don't get sick after that and Sundays anything being open is a myth so I had to purchase mine on Monday but I forgot because I am a wreck of a human being and I bought them this morning I ordered them however I was in a forest for most of the day and I did not get my pills until I want to say one in the afternoon and since it was Tuesday I usually start on Mondays I was like might as well take two because if I start on Tuesday I'll waste the pill because I will forget that I have a Monday and I didn't want to do that and I was like if I start on Monday that's going to f****** up because I will always be forgetting which day it is so I was like I'll take Monday and Tuesday today I've done that before never died and I can just say that I am the absolute weirdest mix of very sad and horny that anyone has ever been in the history of this year blog
Cosmic Love by Florence and The Machine is quite possibly the most perfect song to describe being in love with someone that does not return your feelings in the slightest. Not even a teeny, tiny little bit.
Tomorrow February 2024, the month shat out of Satan's asshole onto my life, ends and I couldn't be happier. Go back to hell. I want to forget every single minute of this month. I want karma to handle all that was done to me this month, and may she be very creative.
March, I beg of you, please be kind to me. Please be gentle and handle me with the care and empathy that February lacked.
I just remembered that I submitted a purchase request at work for uniforms but I forgot to include that the shirts are short sleeves and not long sleeves and now I won't be able to sleep 🙃🫠
I wish I could go one (01) day without being randomly hit with an intense and profound sadness with the force of two freight trains hitting each other at the fastest speed each of them can travel.